Bedtime Battles: Prevent Them Before They Begin!
Bedtime battles are one of the most common nightmares of toddlerhood. Protesting. Kicking. Screaming. One more water. One more trip to the potty. One more story. One more minute. One more kiss. Are there monsters in the closet? More crying. The battle continues until someone caves.
You are not alone if your evenings look like this!
So how can you prevent toddler bedtime battles before they begin?
Try as many of these strategies as possible to help make your bedtime routines relaxing and enjoyable moments to bond with your child again!
Double down on routine with a visual
We all know that children thrive on routine and structure, so doing the same things in the same order each night matters. This gives your child the security of knowing exactly what to expect. You can increase the impact of the routine by creating a visual routine that your child can follow along with at bedtime. It can be as simple as cutting and gluing one like this printable set, or getting crafty with pictures, decorations, and magnets or clips to move as you progress through the ritual.
Seeing the routine, reviewing what has been done and which steps are upcoming gives your toddler the ability to prepare themselves mentally for the routine. See it, do it, check it off. They participate and it can be tactile to feed into their senses.
The layers of sensory and cognitive input together can make a bedtime battle much less likely.
Get your child’s buy-in
If you can get your toddler excited about any or all parts of bedtime, do it! If teeth brushing sets off the bedtime battles, try something like Hum by Colgate (not an ad, just a genuine endorsement from a mom that loves the app!). If it’s books, build in a little extra time to read one more and make your toddler think it is a huge treat that you’ll be reading three whole stories instead of just two. If it’s turning the lights off, let your child flip the switch or give them a small flash light to control the dark. If you can identify your child’s most common trigger for tantrums, you can begin to find creative solutions to get their buy-in! Think outside the box!
Use positive language
This is easily the most overlooked but most important tool for preventing bedtime battles. Mom and Dad need to take care to use positive language in every statement. It’s a small shift, but it can change the course of bedtime!
For example:
· Instead of “I’m leaving after this story,” say, “I’m going to stay with you for one more book!”
· Rather than “You have to go to sleep right now,” try, “We’re all going to have a good night’s sleep and tomorrow we can ____!”
· Instead of simply saying “no” to the “one more…” requests, try something like “I know, bud, I would love to read a million books too! Wouldn’t you?! It would be so fun if we could stay up all night long reading books together. How about we pick out one more and when that’s done, we’ll get cozy in bed?”
· If you can say YES to something, turn the opportunity around to be positive. Your child doesn’t have to sleep in pajamas; they’ll still sleep if you let them wear regular clothes. You child doesn’t have to sleep under their sheets if they’ll be happier with a soft throw blanket over them. Don’t engage in a battle if it isn’t really that important. Something silly like sleeping in jeans will not last forever, and maybe your child can pick out some fun new pajamas to help get out of the habit.
Empower your child with choices
No doubt you have tried this and I know it can be hit or miss. However, it’s been proven that giving your child lots of power to choose can make them more cooperative with things you need them to do. Like sleep.
The choices can be both big choices and absolutely tiny, insignificant ones. The more choice you can offer, the better!
“Do you want to put your left foot in your pajamas first, or the right one?”
“Do you want to potty or brush teeth first?”
“Would you like me to squeeze the toothpaste so it looks like a worm or like a little pea?”
“Do you want Mommy to rock with you for three minutes or four?”
The choices can be so minute but sometimes it makes all the difference in getting your toddler to cooperate! Try it out and you may find the bedtime battles begin to smooth over.
Read stories about bedtime and bedtime battles
There are so many great stories about bedtime that can help your child learn and understand how to more appropriately handle their big feelings about bedtime.
Some of my favorites include:
· Sleepy the Goodnight Buddy by Drew Daywalt
· Snoozby and the Great Big Bedtime Battle by Terry Cralle and W. David Brown
· Simpson’s Sheep Won’t Go to Sleep by Bruce Arant
· Edgar Gets Ready for Bed by Jennifer Adams
· Where do Diggers Sleep at Night by Brianna Caplan Sayres
There are a million more where these came from, but these are among my favorites that we have on our bookshelf at home.
Keep an eye on the clock
Loads of times, bedtime battles stem from an inappropriate bedtime.
If your toddler still naps, it may be that they really truly are not tired enough at bedtime. In general, kids stop needing to nap sometime around age three (give or take and yes, there will be kids who nap until they are in kindergarten- congratulations your child was a unicorn). It may be time to shorten or consider dropping their nap to preserve the more restful and restorative overnight sleep.
If your toddler is not napping, it may be that bedtime needs to be just a little earlier. Try starting the whole routine 15-20 minutes earlier for several days and see if your child is in a better headspace to cooperate and fall asleep easily. Sometimes this is all it takes!
These are all excellent ways to improve your existing bedtime routine and ideally, prevent bedtime battles before they begin. We all want the last part of the day with our kids to be happy and leave positive feelings for your children to take off to their dreams. This isn’t always easy! The bottom line is that you, as the parent, should also feel empowered to think outside of the box to find solutions to persistent parenting challenges like bedtime battles. Toddlers are all so unique and wonderful, if extraordinarily frustrating at times. You know your child better than anyone, so use their quirks, their motivation, and their little peculiarities to create a bedtime routine that works for them. It won’t look like anyone else’s because your family is your own! Be different, be creative, be the parent your child needs you to be to create a peaceful and enjoyable bedtime each night.
If you need help going from bedtime battles to calm and pleasant evenings, schedule a call with me here and I will work right alongside you to correct any scheduling challenges as well as the behavioral ones and bring smiles and sweet bedtimes to life.
