Top 9 Pieces of Advice Before Sleep Training

As a mother of three great sleepers and over one-hundred clients under my belt, I took this week to compile my best bits of advice for parents considering sleep training.

These aren’t concrete how-to’s or step-by-step tips, but might be even more important to your success. Read on and feel free to share your advice in the comments!

1) Your goals don’t have to look like anyone else’s

Start by setting goals for sleep training. In my last blog, I explained that sleep training at its most basic level is simply teaching your child to fall asleep without your help. That is the only goal you will share with anyone else. Aside from that, you decide what you want sleep to look like for your child and your family.

Are you okay with keeping a feeding or two at night? Awesome. Have you and your pediatrician agreed that it is time to night wean or stop nighttime bottles? We can work on that. Would you like your child’s nap to be longer? You need your toddler’s bedtime to stop being a battle? Want to do it as gently as possible? Or maybe you’re okay with a little crying as long as it moves you toward your goals? Check, check, check!

Your goals are yours alone. Don’t let your neighbor’s sister’s best friend that you only know on Instagram tell you what your goals are.

2) Find a method that you can confidently be consistent with

There are a variety of methods and those methods can always be further tweaked to meet your unique preferences. Whatever the method is, you need to be able to stick with it consistently for at least five days before changing your approach. It might be smooth and easy or it might be hard- so finding an approach that you feel confident in is essential.

3) Be optimistic!

I can’t say this enough! If you don’t think anything will change, or you think your situation is hopeless and no sleep training and no support will ever improve the situation, then guess what? It probably won’t.

Nobody is making you work on sleep and there is no magic bullet. If you want something to change, you have to make a change. Being optimistic goes a long way toward meeting your goals for your child. The only clients I have seen be disappointed have been those who struggled to see the positives, the incremental successes, and the hope for better sleep.

4) Keep in mind your child’s personality

Every child is different. You and I both know that. So why should you approach sleep with a one-size-fits all approach? Some kids are sensitive to change and need a very gradual method. Others are quick and adaptive and just need a new routine and boundaries. Some are motivated by rewards. Others aren’t. Some experience intense separation anxiety and require more support than others. Some kids just go with the flow.

Each of these personality types warrants a unique approach to sleep. Just because something worked like a charm for another family doesn’t mean it will be a fit for yours.

5) Start with bedtime

When you’re ready to jump in, begin with bedtime. Nights have the benefit of natural melatonin production and a long day of activity to build up a heavy sleep pressure. This means that your child will have an easier time learning to fall asleep independently. If you start with naps, you are fighting an uphill battle against daylight, natural cortisol production, a busy home and lots of activity.

Do yourselves a favor and help your child take naps when you want to sleep train. Make sure they take great naps on an age-appropriate schedule that day to set them up for overnight success.

6) Naps do not have to be trained for concurrently unless you want to

You read that right! I know this is a shocker, but you do not have to nap train for the sake of consistency. Yes, of course, you can nap train and night train concurrently, but it isn’t required. In fact, for some families it is best to get nights fully on track before tackling daytime sleep.

Naps and nights are fueled by different chemicals and different parts of the brain. You can absolutely get your baby to sleep independently at night but continue to snuggle him for naps if you wish. When you’re ready to nap train, it should be even easier because your baby will have had plenty of nighttime practice falling asleep and connecting sleep cycles.

7) Have realistic expectations           

Now, time to be real with you. Sleep training, sleep consultants, and any sort of sleep program can sound like magic. There is no such thing as a magic bullet when it comes to sleep.

Every once in a while I see a family where the whole sleep plan and process is smooth and easy, but more often it requires a little bit of perseverance and trial and error while we pin down the schedule and strategy that works best for their child.

Expect that meeting your goals will take a little time. Expect that bedtime might get harder before it gets easier. Expect that it might be hard at first. Expect consistency to be challenging. Expect hiccups.

But then turn around and keep your head high. Expect that your child can rise to meet your expectations. Expect things to get better. Expect to see improvement. Expect the nights to get easier. Expect to see fewer and fewer bumps in the road.

8) Give everyone a bit of grace

And take a few big deep breaths. You’ve got this. Your child has got this. If it doesn’t go as planned or you realize you aren’t quite ready for all of the above, don’t be afraid to hit pause and try again in a week or two.

9) Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Sleep is like a puzzle and if any of the pieces are missing, the results are disappointing. So if you have read all of the books and blogs and are still not meeting your goals, consider reaching out for help. Mother Together is the support you need and the outsider perspective necessary to spot the missing puzzle pieces and snap it all into place.

What advice about sleep do you have to share with other mothers? Feel free to share in the comments section!