Every parent has asked themselves at one point or another, “why does my baby wake so much at night?!” Some of them know at some level what’s going on. Babies cry. It’s a fact of life and part of parenthood’s first year that we can’t avoid entirely. But, let me shed a little light on the reasons why your baby may be waking at night with the top five most common answers:

5) Your baby has unmet needs.

There seems to be a notion out there that sleep training means ignoring your child’s needs. This couldn’t be further from the truth, and I will get into more detail about that near the end. For now, of course your child will wake and cry if their needs are not met.

Maybe your baby is genuinely hungry. Are they going through a growth spurt? Are they eating enough during the day?

Maybe the nursery is a little too warm or a little too cool. The ideal room temperature is around 68° F.

Maybe your baby gets tummy aches or is gassy. Tiny ones with immature digestive systems are most likely to suffer from these issues, and most resolve on their own by around four months. If you suspect your child may have regular discomfort, talk to their pediatrician! No sleep training will fix your baby’s aches.

Maybe your baby is experiencing teething pain. This is a post for another day, but teething pain is real- though it does not last months on end. Babies may feel real pain for about 3-4 days before a tooth cuts the gums, and for a day or two afterwards. So, a week at most per tooth.

If you suspect any of these needs apply to your baby, go tend to them. No sleep training should take priority over the needs of your child and parents should feel confident responding to their baby’s every need.

4) Your baby is practicing new skills

Learning new skills like rolling, sitting, standing, crawling, walking, and talking can have a negative impact on sleep. Your little one makes thousands of new neural connections every single day, and occasionally all of that learning can make it hard for a baby to settle in for sleep.

The answer? Practice, practice, practice throughout the day. If your baby can stand but not lay back down: practice. If he can roll one direction but not the other: practice. If you practice during the day, you can be more confident in giving your baby the space and opportunity to apply their skills at night.

3) Your baby is getting too little daytime sleep

When babies are tiny, they need more sleep than time awake each day. As they grow, they can handle more and more time awake during the day. Your aunt so-and-so might suggest keeping your baby up until they “act tired” or “just a little later” to “tire them out” for bedtime. If you take away one piece of advice, it is not to wait until your baby gets crabby and moody to start thinking about bedtime. A too-tired little one will sleep extra poorly. Don’t fear an early bedtime!

2) Your baby is getting too much daytime sleep

Of course, there can be too much of a good thing. I firmly believe that naps are God’s gift to mothers, but they can be overdone. Sleep begets sleep, sure. It’s true. A well-rested baby will typically sleep better than one who is too-tired.

I want parents to understand this: sleep is a little like a math problem. Your baby, at each age and stage, has a maximum amount of sleep they will get per 24-hours. That total must be divided between nights and naps to maximize nighttime sleep and meet your child’s needs to stay pleasant and rested during the day. Knowing your baby’s unique total- some being on the high end of average and some having low sleep needs- will help you set up a schedule that is right for your child.

You can spot a child who has too much daytime sleep when they are wakeful for long stretches at night and just don’t seem tired. They may be playful, chatty, and scream rather than fuss if you try to put them down to sleep. They are trying to communicate that they just aren’t sleepy!

1) Your baby depends on sleep props to fall asleep

I saved the most likely answer for last! Does your child depend on nursing, a bottle, rocking, bouncing, walking, or some other crutch to fall asleep? Probably- it sure is hard as a parent not to use what works. And if it works for you- don’t fix it! If you nurse your baby to sleep and they sleep well and you and baby are both happy- GREAT! There aren’t enough emojis to express how awesome that is, but a unicorn emoji is probably the most apt choice.

For most babies, falling asleep with a prop like nursing or rocking means that when your child wakes between sleep cycles at night, they will want the same set of conditions to fall back to sleep. So, they cry for you to come nurse or rock them back to sleep. And again. And again a few more times before dawn. Of course they do! They don’t know any other way!

That is what sleep training is about. It isn’t about weaning. It isn’t about ignoring your child’s needs or choosing not to parent during the nighttime hours. It is about helping your child acquire the skills to fall asleep on their own, a skill they can apply throughout the night to help them and you sleep more soundly.

Let me take this full circle and explain why sleep training actually HELPS you meet your child’s needs rather than IGNORING them.

Let’s say you have a child who has been sleep trained and is a pretty great sleeper. Let’s use a six-month old as the example. You may still be feeding once at night- likely in the wee hours, but everyone is happy with the arrangement and you are able to do a quick feed and put baby back down for a few more hours. All is well.

One night, they wake before midnight. They never wake up crying at that hour, so you know something is odd. You don’t have to wonder if your child has an unmet need, because you know they do! If your child typically sleeps nearly all night and suddenly wakes up crying hard at an odd hour, you should have no reservations at all about responding to their cries because you know that something is up. It might be teething, or a tummy ache, or hunger- but you know your child’s sleep so well that an out-of-character wake up is a clear indicator that something is off with your sweet babe. It gives you more information than you would otherwise have and takes the self-doubt and questioning out of the picture- helping you know just how to tend to their needs.

So, if you can rule out the first four answers and are left with the simple fact that your baby has a dependency on some sleep prop or other, and you want to make a change but don’t know where to start, then now is the time for your free discovery call. Book now!