Bedtime Fading: Helping a Child Who Cannot Fall Asleep
If you have a baby or child who wants to sleep, can fall asleep independently, but just cannot seem to turn down the energy to fall asleep at bedtime, this is for you.
They are trying and trying but no matter what you do, it seems to take them an hour or more to actually get to sleep for the night. They aren’t really fighting bedtime, not throwing a tantrum, and they don’t come out of their room for “one more drink of water” or “one more hug.”
They want to go to bed, but their little bodies just will not shut down.
For those of you thinking “oh my gosh, yes, this is my child!” I’ve got the answer for you.
Contrary to a lot of sleep advice, I do not recommend doing an earlier bedtime for kids like this.
Here’s what you can try instead:
First, go ahead and just move their bedtime routine later, so that it ends just in time for them to fall asleep for the night when their body naturally seems to want to crash. So, if your little has been staying awake until 9:30 most nights, time their routine so that it will wrap up at 9:25, and they will be ready to successfully fall asleep. Big win!
Repeat this schedule for a few nights until you and your child both feel more confident about bedtime and getting to sleep.
Then, take it a step backwards. Even just 5-10 minutes at a time, so that the bedtime routine ends at 9:15, and they fall asleep by about 9:20-9:25.
Again, repeat for a few nights.
Continue gradually moving bedtime earlier and earlier, a few nights at a time, until one of three things happens:
A) You reach your desired bedtime, and your child is more easily falling asleep at the time you have always hoped for.
B) Your child is unable to fall asleep. If this is the case, you now know how early you can put them down and have them fall right to sleep. It might be later than their siblings, your neighbors, or your sister’s kids, but that’s okay!
C) Your child falls right to sleep at bedtime but starts waking earlier and earlier for the day.
What you’ve learned here is how many hours of sleep your child’s body needs per 24-hours. How many hours of sleep does your child really need each day to thrive?
This piece of information is crucial. And after a week or two, you usually see an average emerge that is pretty consistent. Meaning, your child will get roughly the same amount of sleep every 24-hours.
Once you have that information, you can distribute their sleep between nights and an appropriate number of naps for their age.
If you have a low-sleep-needs-kiddo, this may mean they go to bed pretty late, so that they will sleep until morning. Bedtime fading can help you identify just the right time to put them to bed to support their unique sleep needs.
The true bottom line is this:
if your child is sleeping independently, is happy, healthy, growing, and otherwise thriving, then they are probably getting enough sleep. If you have major concerns about the amount of sleep your child gets, starting with your pediatrician is best.
Bedtime fading is my first recommendation for kids who want to sleep but can’t. It can also help bring babies’ bedtimes back to early evening when they fall into a cycle of late bedtimes. If you’re stumped on your kiddo’s schedule, let’s work through this together. Mother Together offers free sleep schedule audits via DM on Instagram, or you can schedule a free call and share all about what’s happening for your family, and see how Mother Together can help!
